Lights Off
by KaioM
Summary: Things get difficult, and then they're at war. Sakura reflects. One shot, AU.


_**A quick, 700 word drabble. One shot, no clue where it came from. Probably not what you think it is. Angst.**_

_**Summary:**_

_**Things get difficult, and then they're at war. Sakura reflects.**_

* * *

**Lights Off**

**By: KaioM**

There's something to be said about killing.

Most say that the first time is the hardest.

"It just gets easier from there, until you're just following orders. Don't worry about it; it gets better."

There are a number of ways to deal. Simple ways.

"You either revel in it, or you distract yourself from it. But killing… Killing is our _job_. You understand that, and it seems better."

Haruno Sakura would say that these people are wrong.

Killing for her country does not make it better. Distracting herself from it does not make it easier.

The first time was the easiest.

She'd been living pretty sheltered, for a shinobi. She was a chunin, sixteen years old, and she hadn't had her first kill. Most didn't get that luxury, but Sakura was civilian born, so Tsunade took it easy on her.

Then, on a simple C-rank escort mission to a nearby village called Mizu no Hana, she killed someone.

It was a bandit, who, by all rights, deserved death. He stood no chance against her, and his death was by instinct more than anything else. When Sakura looked at him, she saw a training target, and her kunai was in his throat before she could register her actions.

She didn't even throw up afterwards. Sakura didn't even feel disgusted.

The second time was a little harder.

This wasn't a simple mission. This was an A-rank assassination mission. She was to get close to the target over a course of three months, under the guise of a civilian who worked at a brothel. That was also when Sakura lost her virginity.

She slept with him, and she was nice to him, and two months in, he told her he loved her.

The day after that, a twenty year old man by the name of Kazekui Rui died by her hand. Her reason for killing him?

He came from Iwa, and had been considered a threat due to his bloodline, which Sakura hadn't been told about.

Afterwards, Sakura couldn't help feeling that twist of shame in her chest. He'd told her he loved her, and then she killed him.

The seventh time was when Sakura started to get real reactions from killing people.

B-rank protection mission, her first one solo. Tsunade had told Sakura that, because she was doing so well, this was a reward mission.

_A reward._

Either way, the client was a middle aged man, who was the cousin of someone close to the Daimyo. Sakura thought it was dumb that he even wanted protection; the relation was so vague that Sakura had only taken it because she saw easy money.

Then, halfway to their destination (a small place called 'Sugi Village') they'd been attacked.

Sakura killed her fifth, sixth, and seventh that day. Then she promptly threw up, and gave the attackers proper graves, even going as far as to make a memorial stone on her way back.

If Tsunade knew what had happened, she didn't show it.

By her ninety-fifth, Sakura sobbed for hours afterwards. Sometimes Naruto caught her, while she cried herself to sleep in a tent, but he never said anything about it. He probably thought she was crying over something stupid.

The day she killed Sasuke, Sakura couldn't help herself.

Everyone she'd ever loved was dead.

Naruto.

Tsunade.

Ino.

Kakashi.

Her mother, her father, Shikamaru, Hinata, Kiba-Choji-Sai-SasukeJiraya_ShizuneGaaraAnko_

All dead.

Then there were the people she'd killed.

Oh, there were so many.

Sakura didn't even know their names.

Hundreds of people, dead to her hand.

Thousands of people, dead to her actions.

Hundreds of thousands of people, mourning the same way she was, because Sakura had taken their loved ones.

In the name of Konoha.

What Konoha?

Yes.

The first time is always the easiest.

It gets harder from there.

So, so, so difficult…

Everyone's gone.

Gone!

Why not join them, Sakura thinks. It's not a big deal if I die, she says to herself.

The kunai coming toward her hits its target.

What a release it is, Sakura thinks.

How nice this is!

Then Obito twists the kunai further into her heart, and Haruno Sakura is dead.

_The first time is always the hardest, you know…_


End file.
